Two months...

Two months later, we three are still here.  I can't say things are getting better.  I'm not sure that they actually do, but I do believe (hope) we get better at making it through the days, the more practice we get.  Healing isn't the right word, reformation (following dissolution) maybe?  I'm not there yet so I can't say for sure.  I've been quiet, having fewer bright spots to share.  I think the darkness should rightfully stay hidden for those who are so fortunate to never need to face it, and of course for those who dwell here with us, they don't need any reminders of what it is to be here.  But the purpose of this journal was to chronicle the light in our lives rather than the darkness, and to that end we've somehow managed to capture a few lighter bits since the last post, and here they are.

 Flowers in her hair...

 Dress up...

 The sprinkler...

 Monster boots...

 Watching deer in our yard...

 Hug a goat...

 The birds on a gray day at the farm...

 The carousel at Frying Pan Park...

 Peacock kisses...

 The train at Dulles Town Center...

 And the carousel there...

 Sheep...

 The park in the adjacent neighborhood...

July 4th, 2011...

We went up north to visit family for the holiday weekend.  It was good to get a change of scenery in a neutral place where no memory landmines existed, but coming home again to this house that only ever knew us as 4 was more difficult than I had expected.  H had a blast on the farm, here are some highlights...

 It was only at the very end after many blurry shots that I realized accidentally that the "fireworks" setting on my camera coupled with flash really does work...

 H on a recreational vehicle with a doll...  She seemed to enjoy it.

 H's "sister kitty", we learned that she really, really likes kittens, too bad Mommy is allergic to them, and H is allergic to doggies...  :(

 Visiting the cows...

 Riding the tractor with Grandpa...

 Swimming at Baptist Lake with the cousins...

 We were fortunate to have been handed down a life preserver just weeks before, I would never have thought to pick one up given recent events, it sure came in handy though!

 Grandpa talked the neighbors into letting H ride a horsie for a bit...

The farm life certainly did seem to agree with H, on the car ride back and since she has been pretty sure we should turn the car around and go right back to Grandma's house, hard to compete with beautiful country settings, all manner of interesting mechanical and animal rides, instant friends in cousins and extended family of all ages, and ready made "pets" of all varieties.  Maybe C was onto something with his fondness of sheep...  :)

Balloons...

This morning at 10 A.M. we said goodbye to C's body in the form that we knew it, just as we had to say goodbye to his life last Friday.  We took some helium balloons to the meadow in Poplar Tree Park nearby, attached some notes and let them go at the same time.  By now it should be complete, we will pick up the remains tomorrow and they will stay with us until we feel moved by a particular method of dispersal, or more likely, they will go with us when we pass just as we tried to never leave his side in life.  Safe voyage...

 Twinkle, twinkle little star, up above the world so high!

A brief play moment at the adjacent park following...

Bull Run Conservancy

We all could use more sunshine these days so today we decided to do a longer walk, and Bull Run Conservancy was the obvious choice outside of Great Falls which we just recently visited last month.  It was good to stretch our legs and we all were surprised at how well we felt afterwards despite the better part of a year spent with quite low physical activity levels.  I remember the first time B & I hiked this trail, long before H & C came along, and the first time I remember the climb up seeming to be more of a challenge.  I hope we keep doing these weekend hikes, it is great therapy to get moving and surround ourselves with beautiful sights, and quiet stretches during which we can all process our thoughts.  Next time we'll have to do a bigger one, I keep thinking about White Oak Canyon / Cedar Run again, we'll see...

 There were ripe blueberries lining the Quarry Trail, a nice touch to include snacks for the hikers! :)

A 4 foot snake, I didn't notice it until I was standing right next to it, despite noticing a tiny half inch well camouflaged brown frog, several tiny lizards in the periphery, and hawks sailing the skies.  (I don't see the rather large snake, I don't see the rather large snake...  just keep repeating this to yourself... :)

 Gorgeous views near the rock formerly known as "Elvis", though the graffiti has left the building...

H and her feather, she kept telling us that she needed to give it back to the hawk.  :)

 H pretending to be a hawk sailing, she loved watching them circle high above...

 The hawks are just barely visible in this pic, top left side...

It was a good day, overall.

Goodbye C...

The URL of this blog no longer makes sense as two of the letters no longer apply, but then again not much makes sense these days. We said good bye last Friday to one of our 4, now we are 3. C was one of the most beautiful and genuinely good individuals I've ever been graced to meet, and yet he was dealt one of the harshest hands. To us he was the piece we'd been missing to complete our own new family. To the grands he was the grandson who would carry on the family name. To many he was an inspiration, an amazingly bright smile with shining blue eyes despite great pain and injustice. We left him with this painting to which we all contributed our bit. We loved you dearly, bub.

<3

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